Feeling very lousy, feeling very worthless, feeling very down...
Took a lot of flak at work for not handling the Bank reconciliations well. I'm beginning to question my ability and worth. Come to think of it, maybe I should reconsider my decision to join them as a permanent staff next month. I feel I am not up to the job.
Now that I look back, I guess I'm truly an underachiever... more often or not the "so near yet so far" guy... in NS, I was a month away from the Commissioning Parade when I got my demotion to a specialist. My undergraduate studies was called to a halt when I decided to quit SIM late last year, when I am a year away from graduation. In my relationship life as well... I was so close to be with the someone I want to be with until fate decreed otherwise and ended up regretting.
I just don't understand why I'm being made fun of by my close friends all the time, being "the butt of jokes, not mature and a poor listener". I do think weirdly and differently from the average person. I think a lot, sometimes that it goes haywire... but I am not being taken seriously. Many a time, what I said are brushed off as thrash and rubbish. I just feel worthless... a loser...
I'm nowhere near my friends, who have good jobs, nice friendships, good relationships, great families... I don't want to compare, but I feel inferior to everybody else.
Even in Initial D Arcade Stage, I'm beginning to feel that I'm past my best... I don't see myself playing to my true potential anymore. I feel saturated and maybe it's the right time for me to call my gaming life a day, in a bid to silence the critics of me being immature and partially to edge a wee bit closer at "being closer to my sunshine".
Marcus has found his sunshine, so does Boon Heng... Ronny has found his Venus. And me? A "young punk" who is immature, poor listener and being the butt of jokes".
To the people who know me, just leave me be... you guys made a mistake knowing my existence... I do hope this mistake is your last ever mistake in your lives.
- Phil -
I was browsing through the Internet when I come across this MTV (again...) It's by Home Made Kazoku again and it's aptly titled Shonen Heart...
This song very much speaks about me. It talks about the dreams we had when we were kids, and how we try very hard to realise them when we were young then. So why can't we use that same thinking to achieve our goals and dreams that we have right moment?
As the song suggests, let's find it, find our dreams, make it bloom...
Enjoy the MTV yea...
Enjoy this catchy tunes yea...
