Today marked a significant day in the life of my family. My grandmother passed away last Thursday aged 87 from pneumonia. Everybody at home was naturally upset, especially as it was near Christmas. Things had never looked good for her ailing body, as she struggled to expel the phlegm from her ageing lungs. She was even struggling to breathe for survival. In a way, we all got to see her for the last time alive on Wednesday night. I awoke to the news that she has passed away the next day.
I personally got to see her body at her deathbed in hospital, she left this world with a tired expression, yet her face had this radiant glow. Maybe it’s because she has finally been relieved of the pain that she has been going through for days to be with the Lord above. The proceedings then took place, to fix the death certificate, to secure bereavement services, to inform our relatives in Mainland China, to inform our Church pastor, to book the multi-purpose hall for which the wake is to be held, all these in the space of a few hours. But all these matters were largely made easier with the pastor’s help and contacts.
The wake was to be held near my granny’s old residence for 5 days, it could have been for 3 days if the 3rd day had not been Christmas itself. During these days, friends of my dad, mum, sister, brother... not to mention Marcus and Shizhen turned up… very much appreciated the gesture.
But yea… today was the cremation day of my grandmother’s remains… The closure of the lid on her casket… I saw for the first time my dad’s tears. I suppose that is the power of motherly love, and filial piety… my dad’s close to 60 in age but he still wept when the lid was closed and the moment when the casket was about to be cremated. My sister and brother broke down too, having spent a large amount of their childhood in her care. I, too wept silently as I tried to comfort my dad, while my mum and brother-in-law comforted my brother and sister respectively. For this once, feuds within the family was put aside momentarily… And I suppose that when a person passes on in life, all debts and grievances are forgotten… I may have been harsh with my words in the previous entries but from now on, I think it’s time to let go from now… and I should also learn a lesson or tow from this experience on filial piety from my dad.
I want to say thanks to all whom have offered their condolences during this period of time.
“Jesus said: I am the Resurrection and the Life, he who believes in me will live, even when he dies” (John 11:25)
I wish my grandmother everlasting peace in Heaven with the Lord…
- Phil -
These few days have been very trying on me...
I went to Azman's house for the Hari Raya Celebrations... still leading the fugitive life... until the lunatic called Marcus up demanding me to the phone... threatening to go over to my place to create a din if I did not... I did not yield... My mum called later to tell me that she's at my place already and told me to stay over at Marcus's place for the night... she even personally asked Marcus for the favour which Marcus agreed.... A few hours later, Theresa, Marcus and I left Azman's place, planning to go clubbing to get rid of the tense feelings I have... but Marcus and Theresa made a U-turn to go over my place... I did not want to meet her until a later date when my dad's around with me, so I chose a nice spot from a distance to survey the situation... As what I saw, she's threatening to jump off my corridor (as usual...) and yeah... the police came and Ronny turned up as well to try to diffuse the tense situation, even my dad rushed home from work... As Ronny's a policeman by occupation, the police involvement in the case was limited... and eventually the police went off.... and they managed to coax her to the ground floor for a long talk... I saw them leave in their cars... and after a conversation with Marcus, I went home...
When I got home, the damage has been done... my mum's upset, my dad felt helpless... and I felt helpless... why has my problems caused them such agony?? But we have a common consensus, she has to get out of our lives...
The next day, in the afternoon... She and her dad came again.... my dad was at home and so they had a long talk... only interrupted by my mum on her journey home.... she gave them a huge dressing down... (from what I heard lar...) ... and yea... my dad came home and told me that it's time for me to show my face...
Later at night... we met... had a long talk... I told her clearly and calmly that I wanted nothing less than a breakup... because things are never gonna be back to the same way again.... the damage is far too much for me to carry on... in fact... it's impossible... something my dad and her dad apparently agreed... then she got worked up... and it appears to drag through the night until my dad made a pact with her to leave me alone for 5 days while I'm given time to cool off and he trying to talk me round... then we left for home.... which I couldn't sleep because of the disagreements in the way the meeting has been handled... between my dad and mum... the things also have been too much in my mind to sleep....
The next day in the afternoon, I picked up a call from her dad asking me to call her because she wanted to talk to me... but it's against the agreement my dad and her made, so I politely told her I was studying and will try to call back later... then we went out to Sengkang to clean up my new apartment which I'll be staying soon... during this time, my neighbour called my mum to tell her she and her dad's at my place again.... My mum called my dad up to tell him about it and he rushed home... to find that they have left... At the same time, I got some threatening messages from her... which I promptly showed to my dad... my dad called her dad up and yeah... gave them a dressing down as well... At the same time... I called Yongquan and Azman to ask for help... cause I'm thinking about adopting my brother's suggestion... but yeah... things have reached breaking point and it'll never be nice anymore... Now's it's time for me to get my life back... to try to shake away the heavy heart disturbed by her harassment of my family... and to get back to my studies (self study for the exams as I doubt I'll ever be able to go back to SIM with peace of mind...) and plan my life... and my family's future....
Lastly, I wanna apologise to ALL my friends whom have been put in a difficult position with regards to this incident... Especially Marcus, Theresa, Ronny, Azman, Alan, Shizhen and many more.... I don't want my mess to be spread over to you guys but I just wanna thank you for sticking by me in these tough times... I very much appreciate it... I know this incident may have shown you the dark and shady side of me, but you guys know how I am like since secondary school days... and I very much value this friendship... hope our friendship can withstand through this rough time...
- Phil -
These few days have never been good...
I tried to take my own life yesterday... Tried jumping off my flat... way too pressured... I felt that I have no way out... until my Dad pulled me back... in desperation I confessed to him everything.... everything that has happened... now my Dad and Mum are on my side... and they've promised to help me tide through this time of depression, and to help me leave that woman...
I'm now leading a life of a fugitive... having to use the computer secretly, fearing she'll come popping by my house again... I now avoid leaving my house as far as I can, and whenI do leave my house I try to stay out as late as I can... My parents have to end up keeping watch for me before I leave or come home from outings... I changed my handphone number... I'm clearing up my things to move out soon... to a secret location... This kind of life sucks... it's silly considering I'm not a criminal... I no longer go to SIM anymore... I don't know how to cope with my studies... but I have to fight to survive somehow... will need a lot of help to get back in track with my studies again...
From the time I tried to take my life till now... she has dropped by twice to my place with her dad in tow... once last night, when she begged to my already pissed-off mum to let her talk to me... My mum obviously turned her down, explaining that it may drive me towards suicide again... She came again this afternoon, my dad told her that I'm no longer staying here...
Now, I just want her out of my life... whatever the costs... I know it seems irresponsible and heartless of me to do that, I'm left with no choice... the stakes are too high... way too high... my family's sanity, future, livelihood are involved... and no way will I compromise any of those... NOTHING comes above my family...
- Phil -
I broke down again.... The mad woman's back at her antics again!!! Last night she came to my place after bombarding me when I was having my nap.... Now she's back calling to give me a long lecture on what I need to change.... F**k her!!! I don't need to change anything!!! If she doesn't like it, then she should just f**k off!!! I am not apologetic on whatever I did and rest assured.... if she somewhat forces my hand, I'll go to the most despicable means to make her leave me.... and I dare to do just that!!!
My mum's very angry and pissed with her now, and to think she has the nerve to talk back at my mum... I hate her for it!!! My mum got angry and started to lecture me, and I cracked up; I threw my armchair at her... narrowly missed her but my chair broke...
I just wish she'll leave my life right this moment.... I don't need her in my life anymore after the wreck she's caused in my life... I'll never be held ransom by her anymore!!! So what if I shagged her? I'll still just walk away from all this nightmare!!! So what if she's gonna make my remaining SIM life hell?? I can just quit SIM... So what if she'll come my place everyday, at the most I'll move out of my house!!! What else can she do?? Other than cry, make scenes and thtreatening suicide, what the f**k more can she do???
- Phil -
