Was taking a break from studies, so I did this survey to find out which Initial D character I am...
Which Initial D Character Are You?
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So which Initial D character are you?
Yeah, so I'm a fucking sore loser!!! What are you gonna do about it??
Winning and losing is becoming more and more important to me now. I've lost way too many things in the past, way too many times. I hardly have won anything, rather nothing to cheer about... especially in recent years...
These few years have been humuliating for me. Firstly, I had the opportunity to go to OCS, and though I gave up during the final month, they could still have transferred me to another Officer course. Instead, I had to suffer the indignity of dropping to be a Specialist. That was 1 of the biggest humuliation in my life... getting "marked" throughout my NS life... only known as "the Officer Cadet dropout"... I never regained my pride ever since... Fuck SISPEC's With Pride We Lead... My Pride was lost the day I had my chevrons on...
Next, was my biggest humuliation with this bitch... I thought I had the world when I got together with her.... but her actions made me lose my pride, my confidence, and my control in my life in front of everybody.... I felt the shame when I had to depend on my friends to help me out of tight situations.... I felt the hard slap on my face when I had to depend on my parents to help me.... and I never recovered....
Next, my studies.... Why can't I be good in Maths like anybody else??? It's a huge shame to see a 16 year old being able to do what I took years to try to master... simple integration and differentiation... I HAD ENOUGH!!!! I don't wanna lose anymore.... I don't wanna be a loser!!! I wanna WIN!!! I wanna show people I'm good at something... but apparently I'm a good for nothing... I want to be at the top of my "trade" for something....
To me, I take everything I do seriously and strive to do my best in all of them, even friendly games... I cannot accept sub-standard performances from myself, even if I play badly and win... If I perform above my expectations yet lose, I'll be satisfied... But to be honest, winning is everything to me now... I need a lot of work to rebuild my shattered pride... and I'll stop at nothing to achieve the goals that I want...
To all my friends.... To me, winning is everything in this world now... I want to be the best and I will use whatever means to achieve that, no matter how low-down or unorthodox... Whether it's in Initial D, in pool, or studies, or any other thing... I WILL NEVER settle for second best... ONLY the best will do for me...
-Phil-
Don't know why, just feeling empty of late... This entire month has passed me by in a flash...
Exams are coming and I'm only on 3rd gear... while many of my other friends are already in top gear... I believe I won't come out of this coming exams without "tar bao"ing a module or two... But my priority is to clear my repeat unit (Maths), my strongest Accounting & Finance and my major Banking Ops & Risk Analysis. The remaining 2... I'm more confident in IFM only... I plan to give up on marketing if it becomes too much for me to handle...
Still indulging in my private life.... still playing Initial D weekly with Marcus and Jinrong as a means to destressing.... and maybe to find some satisfaction in my life that I can be proud of... since my pride was shattered a few months back... I'm beginning to catch on to the fact that even if I'm the best Initial D player in Singapore, what satisfaction does it bring me? I'm already the time record holder for playing Tsuchizaka Inbound in Marina Square, both dry and wet conditions. But still feel that there's something missing in my life...
This past month, been going to church almost weekly with Karen... and once with my parents... I'm beginning to regain that faith...only to lose it all again... Why ain't I getting my faith right again? Why am I backsliding again? Today, I declined Karen's invitation to go to church because I'm in the doldrums already... I don't know why...
Relationships wise... I'm beginning to regret letting Shuwen go... I tried my darndest not to remember her name, trying my best to forget her numbers... to forget the memories... the sadness... but once Marcus mentions her name.. it all comes flooding back... I'm torn between love and hate... I don't even know if I still hate her for what she did to me or not... and it certainly has prevented me from moving on in life.
After her... I haven't really gone out with any gal other than Karen, and yea.. she's a nice gal... friendly and easy to talk to... and she reminds me very much of Meiru in terms of personality and character... whom I regretted letting go in the past... to be brutally honest, I have considered possibilities of moving on with her... but the old wounds remain... I dare not venture into another relationship anymore... and that is the reason why I chose to distance myself from her... especially after Ziming and Edmund have sensed something fishy between me and her... I still remember that once when I told her I missed her... to be honest, I really meant it... but I just cannot admit I said that, I fear the chain effects that'll come in... and end up hurting everybody again... I'm just not ready for anything... and rather to let those feelings show... I rather avoid her and let things die naturally... I'm sorry but it's for the best interests of our friendship that I do this...
Right now... I'm spent... So what if I'm the Logistics Officer of the SIM Galacticos Floorball Club... So what if I'm the Leader/Coordinator of F.R.E.E. ... So what if I'm successful everywhere? I think I've flopped in life... lost, spent, tired, hurt... Where's my calling??
- Phil -
