I'm depressed... very depressed.... I'm in a relationship that I feel so tied up in. I cannot get out, I just want out of this relationship. I'm afraid to even come into contact with her, either by hearing her voice or seeing her messages, or even meeting her. I want out, but just that she never allows me to leave this relationship.
This relationship has put me in way too much stress. I cannot take it anymore, my life's going to fall apart, my mind's going to fall apart... Everywhere I go, I hear people, my family and friends laughing at me for being a loser... Everybody I know seems to be laughing at me, even when I sleep I still dream of their laughter. I've become very sensitive towards any form of laughter around me. I've lost control of my life, my everything....
I desperately need help, and I desperately can't let my family know that I'm facing this depression problem... or I'll be in much more stress, I can't put stress on my family anymore!!!
My family's already very distressed over that old bitch!! She's the cause of so many family problems, she's the very same bitch that caused my siblings to treat my parents with disrespect... and I HATE her for it... Now that she's dying, I do hope she dies soon... and save everybody the trouble... However, I can never be too open about this desire.. because this old bitch is my dad's mum... Out of respect to my dad and his filial piety, I'll just respect my dad's wishes... but when that bitch dies, you bet I'll settle scores with those 2 rascals...
My school? I've totally lost track with my studies after everything that has been piling on me... I desperately need to get my life back on track... and complete my 2nd year in SIM, clearing the modules and score well enough in them all. I suppose I'll be quitting SIM after this year... no mood to study anymore... no money to study anymore... time I work for my own keep and take my time to finish my final year of my degree course...
Regardless what I'm taking to do, I suppose I'm already a ruined man... A person who leads a messed-up life, with few friends, with a psychological problem that I need to seek professional help.... How far can I go on in life?? I doubt it'll be far... I might as well DIE!!!
- Phil -
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