Singapore appears to wanna build its image as the "Monaco of the East" huh?
Monaco has the Monte Carlo casinos, we have our IRs. Monaco has beautiful beachfront property, we're coming right along with Sentosa Cove. Now F1 comes to Singapore to rival the only other F1 Street GP in the world in Monaco again.
Big money, a totally different sporting experience. Looks like a dream come true huh?
Although from the economic side, this appears to be a boon as more big money and exposure comes to Singapore. Big time racers like Alonso, Hamilton, Raikkonen comes into the races the normal route, the ultra rich and famous socialites will come too, generating media glitz. Fans of the F1 races will come by too to sit and watch.
This event doesn't necessarily generate tourists, in fact some European tourists will shun Singapore during this period. Nobody likes to work, shop, hold hands and kiss their partners by the Esplanade when the entire area sounds as though it's like the airport runway. The sound of the F1 cars running at top speed will sound very much like a typical fighter jet taking off (I am sure you heard those sounds over the skies during NDP right? and I mean from the skies...) Now try listening to those sounds more up close and personal for an entire week (It's not just 1 race, surely there'll be practice laps and qualifying laps). Add the heat generated by those engines that'll probably warm up the already warm Singapore. You got a perfect turn-off for tourists. Doesn't sound really right for Singapore who is very keen on tourism huh?
My friend/colleague who lives in Monaco told me that the Monaco citizens actually leave Monaco during the F1 races. I mean, how can somebody is on a relaxation tour bear with these nonsense? Perhaps Singapore officials really should make a trip to Monaco themselves and get a taste of how life will be like there during the Monaco F1 Grand Prix.
Fortunately, I don't work in the Marina area, or I may wanna get away for that week. In fact, maybe it's time I plan a short getaway during that week. I don't think I wanna hear those insane noise; I think I heard enough for my ICT (I'm was at an air base where jet fighters take off and land daily, the noise won't be far off)
What next up now for Singapore? Singapore going into monarchy again Monaco style? Or abolish taxes like Monaco? Well, Singapore appears to be like a monarchy anyway, minus the Princes and Princesses (I stress the word "appear", we know we are a meritocratic society) , but I'll surely love the latter which is the abolishment of taxes, and that means to hell with the 7% GST and our Income Tax and blah blah blah....
Even if they do that, Singapore is never gonna become a place for the "rich and famous" the way Monaco does.
It's been ages since I posted something in this blog. As you all may know, this blog only comes into life when I am down in the dumps, and this time is no exception too.
I'm at present doing my reservist duty. As you all know, camera-phones are banned in all SAF camps so I hadda switch my important contact details from my O2 Mini to my old Nokia 8850. As I looked through the list, I wondered how many people in those list do I really know well and are close. Some were ex-classmates from Beatty, OI and SIM, some were my friend's friends, some were online friends, some were my colleagues.
My friends from Beatty NPCC (Azman, Yongquan, Ronny, Meiru, Boon Heng, Ismadi [Madi's not ex-Beattyain]), I do keep in contact with them, but it's been few and rare. Other than the occasional gatherings at Ronny's house, Azman's house and the once-in-a-while rollerblading with Boon Heng, I have virtually not kept in touch with many of them. Is it my fault, or do I not feel close to them as I was before now.
My ex-classmates in OI, I would probably count no more than 5 (James, Kelvin, Rudi), the rest? Either I lost contact with them, or I rather not have anything to do with them again. I was an unpopular character back in school then. The gatherings with James, Kelvin and Rudi are very rare, probably once a year or something... and since they stay close to me... it is appalling. But guess everybody has their own busy lives to tend to.
My Banking Friends in SIM, (Samuel, Ziming, Joel, KP, Edmund, Eugene, Lisheng, Joalin, Deborah, Xuanyi, etc)... ever since I quit SIM, I haven't been in touch with them. They have since graduated and are probably busy with their jobs. No messages to them, they do drop occasional messages but I have been busy to respond.
My #NPCC friends (Alan, Yimei, Eric, Kelly, Cheryl, Shuhui, Weicong, Melissa), they seemed to have faded too, maybe apart from Yimei and Alan.
At present, about the only group that I do keep in touch and outings with are my F4 buddies and their partners (JR & Jo, Wilson [w/o Sufen in tow], Marcus [w/o Sunshine] ), the presence of friends like Angel, Albert seem to have faded from my circle.
In the end, the numbers that went into my phone to be used for my 3 weeks in the military are those whom I keep in constant touch with.
If you're thinking I have a new life, I do... but all's not rosy. It's only work. I have friends from FREE, Prevalence (all whom I do keep in touch occasionally, online...) and my colleagues at Petredec. But in the end, only my manager's number entered my phonebook for this phone. All others (I know there is a surprising absentee in a certain Miss "V" my closest pals will know who, but yes... she included...) are excluded in my phonebook to the army.
So that about very much sums up my friends condition. It's very unhealthy and given that I am becoming increasing withdrawn towards meeting new people (call it phobia...) I suppose that's the way it goes...
Being out in the icy street, I’m feeling cold and chilly
No fire to get warmth from, and no food to fill tummy.
Nobody around even for me to do my begging.
I just stood there looking around aimlessly.
Just how do I find that spark to get a fire going?
I’ve got no ignitor, I’ve got no tinder. Let’s face the harsh reality.
Without those starts, it’s impossible to build on anything
Now you’ve got a glimpse of how messy this life has been.
Without the fire, there ain’t any warmth.
Without that fire, there’ll be ain’t energy.
Maybe that’s just as well, I won’t get scalded or burnt.
When I get cozy, ask too much. I’ll probably hurt myself much.
Here’s my question to you, do you feel the fire?
Do you feel the zest and the drive in you? You probably do.
Because you had this warm heart shaped thing which you preached you share.
You can’t see it, you can only feel it. You called that thing “love”.
I’ve never felt it, I’ve only heard of it.
How’s its shape like? How’s it feel like? How warm is it?
Everytime I tried to feel it, a downpour comes.
Then “love” melts away, and from there it’s back to square one.
Now don’t you all come pitying me for I know this is karma upon me.
I did one to much evil deeds, now I’m paying heavily for it.
God took love away from me. People shielded theirs from me.
If this is how the world has changed for me, I guess I’ve had enough of it.
People said the world does change, so why it stays this way for me?
I yearn to return to the ballroom for the waltz of love and be loved.
But I’m just being kept out, seeing my friends all enjoying their dance.
I guess this is it. I’m more or less resigned to fate.
I know I can’t dance this waltz well. No teacher nor manuals can help me.
I’ll just stand outside the ballroom looking enviously at my buddies and friends,
All dancing merrily while I stand out alone in this same icy street.
braving the chills and loneliness this neverending winter brings.
Maybe that is true alright. You know... I haven't been blogging here for quite a while (Fine... a LONG while..) But that was because I have a busy working life to maintain, as well as my role as a fledging guildie of JR, Jean and Daniel's World of Warcraft Prevalence guild, grinding my little gnome warlock to Level 60. Other than that, my personal life has been satisfactory, with highs and lows... but in both of them, my "big brother" JR has been around for me. For this, I thank him.
But there are some things that sticks out as a sore thumb in my otherwise hectic life. One is my education; whether to rough it out and complete my final year, or to give it up and go for the ACCA instead. I've received a letter from UOL and I'll be thinking it through. Most probably I'll be enquiring with Stansfield and TMC about the possibility of continuing my education with them as I will stand by my decision NOT to return to SIM. If either 1 of the schools decide to accept me in, then I'll probably finish up the degree at my own pace.
The other is with regards to a certain lady whom I have never given up hope on. JR and Marcus have criticised me for being extremist with regards to this, but there are things which I really cannot understand and cannot come to terms with.
1) What is it about me that I am inferior to a junior police officer?
2) Am I holding on to unrealistic hopes?
3) Are my actions too extremist that it becomes bothersome and even irksome?
Sometimes, I don't understand why I am doing certain irrational things for. I'm usually rational in my thinking and analyses things fairly decent, but when it comes into this... it becomes a sticky point.
I know very well myself that I am no longer the same Phil people knew me before my undergrad days. I carried a cocky aura, had a lot of ego, arrogant and brash... but all these ended at that juncture in my life when I contemplated suicide. That once, I felt totally destroyed, helpless... I'm still trying to get back on my feet. Finally my life is back in order (almost)... studies are gone, but I have a stable job which I am happy working in, a great and caring "big brother" found in JR... great friends like Jean and Daniel, as well as my Team-mates in FREE and Prevalance... Slowly, my life is built back up. But probably I turned into somebody afraid of failure, and will go to all means to fight against the odds. I find failures difficult to take and I get serious and cold just to avoid failures or to prove my critics wrong.
Romance probably is my biggest hurdle here. I am afraid to go into a relationship; I fear commitment, hurt, failure... because I felt all 3 in the most cruel way 2 years ago. I find myself distrusting gals in relationships... with the exception of 1... but I guess this is very much wishful thinking on my own part.
I feel hurt, upset... but I guess this is my own undoing, and I accept the results of my own wishful thinking. Just feel like crying now, and probably I'll go to sleep after that on my wet pillow and wake up a few hours later for work.
I expect Marcus to get 1st hand info from her with regards to this. Marcus... this is a warning... mention a breath about this to anybody else or me and that's it.
- Phil -
Feeling very lousy, feeling very worthless, feeling very down...
Took a lot of flak at work for not handling the Bank reconciliations well. I'm beginning to question my ability and worth. Come to think of it, maybe I should reconsider my decision to join them as a permanent staff next month. I feel I am not up to the job.
Now that I look back, I guess I'm truly an underachiever... more often or not the "so near yet so far" guy... in NS, I was a month away from the Commissioning Parade when I got my demotion to a specialist. My undergraduate studies was called to a halt when I decided to quit SIM late last year, when I am a year away from graduation. In my relationship life as well... I was so close to be with the someone I want to be with until fate decreed otherwise and ended up regretting.
I just don't understand why I'm being made fun of by my close friends all the time, being "the butt of jokes, not mature and a poor listener". I do think weirdly and differently from the average person. I think a lot, sometimes that it goes haywire... but I am not being taken seriously. Many a time, what I said are brushed off as thrash and rubbish. I just feel worthless... a loser...
I'm nowhere near my friends, who have good jobs, nice friendships, good relationships, great families... I don't want to compare, but I feel inferior to everybody else.
Even in Initial D Arcade Stage, I'm beginning to feel that I'm past my best... I don't see myself playing to my true potential anymore. I feel saturated and maybe it's the right time for me to call my gaming life a day, in a bid to silence the critics of me being immature and partially to edge a wee bit closer at "being closer to my sunshine".
Marcus has found his sunshine, so does Boon Heng... Ronny has found his Venus. And me? A "young punk" who is immature, poor listener and being the butt of jokes".
To the people who know me, just leave me be... you guys made a mistake knowing my existence... I do hope this mistake is your last ever mistake in your lives.
- Phil -
I was browsing through the Internet when I come across this MTV (again...) It's by Home Made Kazoku again and it's aptly titled Shonen Heart...
This song very much speaks about me. It talks about the dreams we had when we were kids, and how we try very hard to realise them when we were young then. So why can't we use that same thinking to achieve our goals and dreams that we have right moment?
As the song suggests, let's find it, find our dreams, make it bloom...
Enjoy the MTV yea...
Enjoy this catchy tunes yea...
Well, I was browsing through the Net for MTVs when I came across this particular MTV aptly titled "Arigato" and sang by a Japanese Hip-Hop band named Home Made Kazoku...
I'll have this player in this blog playing the MTV as an appreciation of thanks to everybody who has been to this blog, reading it, sharing my woes with me and to everybody else who has been in my life, especially my friends who have stuck through thick and thin with me... This MTV's dedicated to you guys...
Thank you and enjoy the day of love.... and to all couples and singles out there... Happy Valentine's Day...
