These few days have never been good...
I tried to take my own life yesterday... Tried jumping off my flat... way too pressured... I felt that I have no way out... until my Dad pulled me back... in desperation I confessed to him everything.... everything that has happened... now my Dad and Mum are on my side... and they've promised to help me tide through this time of depression, and to help me leave that woman...
I'm now leading a life of a fugitive... having to use the computer secretly, fearing she'll come popping by my house again... I now avoid leaving my house as far as I can, and whenI do leave my house I try to stay out as late as I can... My parents have to end up keeping watch for me before I leave or come home from outings... I changed my handphone number... I'm clearing up my things to move out soon... to a secret location... This kind of life sucks... it's silly considering I'm not a criminal... I no longer go to SIM anymore... I don't know how to cope with my studies... but I have to fight to survive somehow... will need a lot of help to get back in track with my studies again...
From the time I tried to take my life till now... she has dropped by twice to my place with her dad in tow... once last night, when she begged to my already pissed-off mum to let her talk to me... My mum obviously turned her down, explaining that it may drive me towards suicide again... She came again this afternoon, my dad told her that I'm no longer staying here...
Now, I just want her out of my life... whatever the costs... I know it seems irresponsible and heartless of me to do that, I'm left with no choice... the stakes are too high... way too high... my family's sanity, future, livelihood are involved... and no way will I compromise any of those... NOTHING comes above my family...
- Phil -
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