I think I'm very much turning into some loner again... I just found it hard to reintegrate with everybody back in school again... As you guys would have known from my previous entry, I'm distancing myself from them...
Of the entire group, I think I'm only talking quite a bit to Liangmin, Ziming and Lisheng... The rest?? I seldom talk to them already... I think Joalin, Sam, KP, Cheryl has sensed it somehow but they just chose to keep mum about it I guess? As for Joel and Deborah, we never talked anymore... they're closer to her as they're studying together... I suppose Deborah would blame me for the event of things turning out this way... after all, women would usually stand by one another... Even when bumping into other friends, I don't go up and chat with them anymore... I just keep mum and hide away... During lecture breaks, I'm very much my own man... hardly join the group anymore... Probably that's the true me after all... being very much my own man, as how I survived in Primary & Secondary School, OI (now MI) and NS this way...
Today, "she" tried to say hi and wave to me as I walked by the group but I just chose to ignore... and walked away without even greeting my friends... My heart's hard now... no more softie anymore...
Lately, I've started to think back... and my mind drifted to Valentine's Day; the day me and "her" got hitched... the memories we shared and the events that has happened... I'm very confused, maybe Fio's right... I can't let go... I still keep her pictures in my comp, and I do view them every now and then while my family's asleep... The hurt comes flooding back and it's so hard to bear... What will I do for this year's Valentine's Day? Probably I'll be up at the Changi runway, the same spot "she" and I got hitched, watching planes fly by in the middle of the night... or out with another gal for dinner and movies?? I wouldn't know...
Probably I'm destined to lead a loner's life...
- Phil -
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