Well, I think this entry's for me, Jinrong, Marcus and Wilson. This term's coined from a routine conversation I had with Wilson earlier. Taiwan has F4 (Flower 4), a quarlet of long haired hunks wearing flowery shirts.... In our case, we're the "Fucked-up 4", a quarlet of young guys leading fucked up lives...
Jinrong apparently has problems on his own, which many close friends should know by now... relationship problems... I have absolutely no idea how to help him get out of it given my own problems... But I think I can share a bit by being his company in Initial D and our frequent JLC pub outings... But this is not a long term solution; he's got to move on... I really don't know how, especially when the female interest concerned is a good buddy of mine... I guess I can only just be his company ba.... but seeing him splurging on vodkas and Lambourghinis and playing Initial D week in week out... it just saddens me...
Marcus?? That bloody joker leads a screwed up relationship life... apparently the knots in his relationship has yet to be untied for the past few years... I don't know whether he's actually going to move on or is he going to ask her back... He's fagging with me and Jinrong like no man's land... But at least he has a stable social life... but I feel his nightlife needs some toning down... especially with the JLC thing... but well.. he's still in NS... so probably can be forgiven for that... but I think he should prepare for life after NS instead of gallavanting... Well, he still brands me as a mindless sex machine in front of practically everybody (which is something I dislike a lot but chose to keep mum..), I can never forget how he helped me get out of the mess I landed just over a month ago...
Wilson?? Of us 4, he leads the most stable life, a relatively high paying job in MHA and a good social life... but he has problems on his own; paying off his loans... and probably getting over his ended relationship with my buddy over a year ago... Well, but of us 4, he's also the least "fucked-up"... and that is some good news... I also appreciate his timely advices to me... and of course the way he lightens up moods...
As for me?? I'm facing a motivational problem on top of nursing a failed relationship myself... I'm no longer motivated to study, and thus this will probably be my final year as a full time student in SIM.. taking a year off to find work and regain myself... in the meantime, I just can't seem to gear myself up to study... As for studying pals, I can no longer study with them anymore given that that woman's studying with them when she has her own pals to study with... and she EVEN has the cheek to tell my friends that she still wished to remain friends with me and that my group of friends should not leave me out of the group....
She should know better that I'll choose to distance myself from the group... and there's virtually NO WAY I'll even want to remain as friends with her!!! I HATE HER for the pain she's caused me... I HATE HER for dashing my dreams and hopes... I HATE HER for turning everything upside down for me... I HATE HER for me not being able to raise my head in front of friends again... I HATE HER for forcing me to end the relationship in an ugly way... I doubt many will understand that hurt when you have to choose to end a relationship which you have put in a lot of effort into maintaining, a lot of love into making it better... and to top it off... end it in the most ugly way... right now... I feel ruined... very low in motivation and morale... very low in confidence in everything and myself... and with my doomsday drawing nearer... I suppose that is my destiny??
- Phil -
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