Just feeling a bit confused and apprehensive about moving on to another relationship, so I thought I can dissect my thoughts and feelings. Perhaps I can find an answer this way...
I don't know.... but I could be suffering from this symptom named sex-orexia... Meaning to starve myself deliberately from engaging in sexual relationships... It's a bit like anorexia; anorexia is deliberately starving off food...
In anorexia, the sufferer craves for food, but faces the dilemma of choosing to be indulged in food or being guilty of having too much food (having too much food gains weight..) . Occasionally, the suffere succumbs to the occasional food binge. In sex-orexia, the sufferer craves for lots of sex, but faces the dilemma of choosing to be indulged in lotsa of sex or being guilty towards the other party for sex... Occasionally, that need for sex is satisfied through one-night stands and flings...
Maybe that's why I'm staying off relationships, for fear of the turn of relationship towards a sexual nature. My past few relationships, particularly Meiru's has seen the relationship turn for the worse after things got pretty sexual... It's especially evident with Shuwen's case... the sexual bit of the relationship made the breakup more complicated and protracted... I'm kinda put off by all these, I don't know how to go into a serious relationship again... Maybe a fling or a ONS is not that hard, but when a serious relationship is concerned... I fear the same events happening again. That is why I think I find it hard to move on after the episode with Shuwen.. I fear hurting gals again...
- Phil -
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