1 week left to Valentine's Day... Doubt I'll be spending it with anybody... will just stay home and revise my schoolwork I guess...
The scary feeling is back again... I crashed upon that woman's messages to me after we broke up... To date I still dare not delete those messages... don't know why... When I read them again, I get very mixed feelings... It's so unbearable; I'm scared... My heart turns putty again... I don't know what to do... I'm trying to keep myself busy by playing Initial D Arcade Stage more often and aiming to set course records, playing soccer and floorball with my schoolmates... but when I'm lonely and alone, those feelings come back... I cannot exorcise them... I don't know what to do... Very confused, very afraid, very upset....
I hate to say this, but I'm in absolutely no mood for Chinese New Year... no mood to go "bai nian"... no mood to enjoy... no mood for anything...
Lastly, I would want to make public my apology to Yimei aka Fionie for the "lie" I concocted last weekend... I didn't want to come up with a lie, but I did so that she would not get pissed and angry and at the same time, cover up for everybody especially Alan... Yimei... you may distrust me but you know me well enough... I have my reasons behind it... and yeah... whichever the case... I know I'm at fault for lying and not letting you know the truth... I'm sorry...
- Phil -
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