Wasn't feeling good about a few issues...
Had the floorball match against Ngee Ann Poly last night. I was pretty pumped up for the match, but I don't know if I really played well or played badly... Although I started, but I guess I lost my team place to the others who I think I'm better than. Worse still, I felt frustrated at not being able to help my team when they're down. Some dubious refereeing and equally bad defending caused our Team's defeat at 5-2... To be honest, I was disappointed but at the same time I know there was a reason behind me being dropped. I wanted to find out why... especially when they're saying I did pretty well...
Maybe my temperament going into the game wasn't right... I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform and broke out of frustration when I can't seem to do things the way it went. After the game, I didn't want to confront the coach as to why I was left out. I went for a few rounds on the track running at my fastest to relieve my frustration, and that was all I remembered. The next thing I knew was I was in the grandstand, my team-mates around me... My teeth hurting like hell, my head spinning... Edmund told me I bumped into somebody and concussed on the track... I had absolutely no recollection of how I bumped into anybody and what happened after that...
My head still hurts, my teeth still hurts... I can't even eat properly... Probably I'll go see a dentist soon about my chipped tooth and it hurts when I eat... I have no mood for anything now... Everything seems vague to me... My parents seem alien to me... everybody seems distant to me... I don't know, I think I'm losing confidence in everything I do now... Tomorrow's ID match against Yong Kiat's Rotary Knights will be a huge doubt for me, but I'll be there nonetheless to watch and cheer on F.R.E.E., and I guess I'll be taking a break from floorball for now... I think I'm unable to handle the pressures of the high intensity game... I hate to be a quitter, I wanna prove my doubters wrong... but I don't know how... that frustrates me a lot...
Maybe I should really reconsider if I'm ready for competitive floorball... no wonder I was asked to switch back to being a goalkeeper... so in a way, I'm unwanted in the Team anymore... in that case... maybe I should just be smart and pack up and go ba...
I have got a job at last, but I don't know if I'm still up to that job or not. The job is a Temp Accounts Assistant with Petredec Ltd, a shipping and transportation company trading in LPG (The kind that we use as fuel for our gas stoves). I'll just do my best and learn fast and hope I can make a difference ba...
Although I'm hurt physically, but nothing beats being hurt emotionally and morally... I'm tasting the hurts of all 3... it hurts... really hurts...
- Phil -
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