I hate to say this, but I'm very sceptical against women in general... I'm finding women increasingly becoming a great bother, irritating beings who simply are unappreciative of whatever a guy does. I know it's just not me to go around flaming people, in this case a gender... I must clarify that I'm not a sexist, but I'm fast beginning to write off women in my life.
My life took a huge change after my previous relationship with a gal... I believe my close friends would have known this by now. I'm no longer the happy-go-lucky type of guy anymore... I'm becoming ultra cold towards gals in general... To be honest, I have no faith in pursuing anymore BGRs... I just want to get on with my lonely life and just fulfil my role as a filial son. Physiologically I'm still a man, I do get sexually aroused when a pretty and naked lady appears in front of me... but psychologically I'm no longer in search for my other half... I'm psychologically nonsexual now...
I was kinda peeved at myself for losing my self control when I got too tipsy in drinks.... and ended up misbehaving on the dancefloor... and the victim was Jolin... a close friend of Marcus and Jinrong... I got flamed nonetheless... and from then on... I told myself I'll NEVER go clubbing with the gals again... but on Saturday, I still saw them when I went to club at dbl O again... and this time I made it a point to steer clear of them... but I still get pissed when I am relegated to the role of a bouncer rather than somebody who is out to enjoy... and on top of it... Jolin came and got touchy with me... and I don't want anymore criticisms to come in again... so I decided to stand firm and hold my ground and play "dao"... and I think I said enough...
Today at lunchbreak, I went out with my female colleagues for makan and a little cosmetic shopping at CK Tangs (I'm the only guy in my department, so I stick with my department ppl...), and while I'm browsing through some of the cosmetics... my mentor popped this remark to me " You sure know your stuff in cosmetics well, you future girlfriend must be really lucky..." I retorted a simple reply... " I will never consider having a girlfriend... they're lotsa problems on their own... and I hate liabilities..." She kept mum... and from then on... I'm sure I'm beginning to hate women...
After reading Marcus's blog on loneliness and stuff... I am resigned to remain single and lonely... in fact, I'm trading away companionship and love for freedom... something that I hold very dearly to myself... and after the Shuwen affair... I want out of all relationships...
But a part of me remains soft-hearted.... for Yimei... I promised her I'll go after her in 1 year's time... but guess her heart's still with Wil-son... and I respect that... I'll not try to be a hero and break up her nice memories again... I did that once 2 years ago, and it won't happen again.... I just wish her happiness... and that she'll find somebody who can mend her broken wings... that's all I wish for... I'll just be contented standing aside and seeing her in happiness I guess...
- Phil -
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