Well.... many things have happened of late during these past few weeks.... I don't know if these incidents are a sign to me, but I feel disturbed by these events happening...
On a dark and stormy night... I went jogging with this particular lady in the middle of a pouring rain... Well, the jog didn't last... we're stuck at a bus stop soon after we left as the rain was too heavy to continue the jog... Oh well, just chatted... until the rain began to die down an hour later... Then I saw her home..
On the way back, I saw this kitten stuck in the drain... I tried to throw it a cardboard so that it would have more ground to stand on... and I saw her home 1st.... after which I went back to the drain to pick up that kitten... and somewhat my mind drifted to Yimei and her love for cats... The drain was pretty deep though... but well... I got it out... and I carried it back to the bus-stop... To be honest, it wasn't anything worth remembering... but that night is sure a night to remember... though cold and wet... but it sure left a deep impression in me...
Steph, I know you're reading this... thanks for the night... and apologies for that stupid idea...
The next incident that struck me deep was last night... I defied my Mum's instructions to be home early and promptly joined Marcus and Jinrong at dbl O (again... as usual...) Bumped into Ting Guan there, as well as Jolin, Angel and Joelle...
I knew there were some unhappy souls in Jolin and Angel there already... but nothing could strike me harder... Apparently, Angel was upset that she got "sanctioned" of her spending and cars by her Dad... I tried to understand that also... unless she asked me the "million dollar question"....
I am taken aback... it struck me hard... I was damn affected... I don't even have her kinda spending power... I wished I have the million dollars, then my problems with my study loan application will go away.... then I can fully focus on my studies instead of worrying about the loans day in day out... I also saw the horrible images of myself from her, that I actually took my family's financing of my education, and my living expenses for granted...
I am never close to my siblings because of the favouritism "culture" that plagues the youngest of each family... Is it my choice to be pampered and loved? I am trying very hard to not be pampered... I buy my excesses using my own hard-earned money... I don't even ask money from my parents "just to shop or enjoy..." It's not that I don't want to contribute to the family, but what I can do is utterly limited... and a sad fact that plagues my family... "Money = Power"... Money talks... now my close friends will know why I'm obsessed with success... I want power, I want pride... and if money is going to get my pride and power, I'll get the money...
I have to apologise to everybody else for my cold and aloof attitude because I was very affected by Angel's revelations... I wanted to retort back at her, but I don't want to hurt her feelings with my "humble opinion"... and of course, I treat her as a friend also... In the end, I couldn't take all those anymore and I decided to go back home...
It isn't anybody's fault to have a rich or poor Dad, but it's how you appreciate what your Dad has done for you that matters a lot more.... Which is why I'm even more determined and obsessed with success... failure is not an option for me... I want my one million dollars... I want my sports cars.... I want my mansion... I want everything.... that I can possibly earn by hook or by crook...
- Phil -
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